Find glory

lovewornlightly @ 2007-10-14T02:01:00

2007-10-14T07:06:49Z

*to the tune of "lions and tigers and bears" from WOZ*

iPods, and Mounting, and Acid... dancing [instead of "oh my" try it!!]

I could explain. buuut i dont want to?

performance tomorrow. Not ready havent gotten my stuff together, or hemmed my dress, or turned in my letter. So far behind in what I wanted to be done.

Just when you thought I died....

2007-01-31T07:59:24Z

Meredith Parker7: glad you like. :-)
Slickchickmst3k: I enjoy the TB but i cant say that to anyone but you
Meredith Parker7: *snorts* very true

And now to look forward to Thursday and Friday. Yay sarcasm.

My Xmas Stocking

2006-12-18T07:25:54Z

Xmas Stocking

leave a gift for lovewornlightly

get your stocking

lovewornlightly @ 2006-09-14T21:27:00

2006-09-15T01:47:58Z

Yes, yes I am alive.
and I'm tempted to add "for now". Even though I'm not upset or anything. But I figure it would match the previous entries I've put into this crazy thing.

I'm actually content with where things are right now. For the most part. Back in voice and dance, assisting with the babies and learning tech. Working. I still need a second job just for extra money this way my everything pans out the way I want it to, and I can help out my mom. But that's fine. I'm not too worried.

I'm slowly getting people in my life that care and show interest. That I haven't pushed aside. ... yeah I don't think I have much else to update on.

But things that you should keep in mind.

1]bug bites are itchy
2] PB&J sandwiches are easily compared to whores.
..... but you'll never look at one the same way.

lovewornlightly @ 2006-09-07T03:58:00

2006-09-07T08:01:02Z

Um, hi. This is Mandy (echoingvista) posting for Katie. She has a new layout. And if she doesn't like it... she can kick my ass later, lol. But at least now she can read her flist. And maybe start posting again. Whistles.

Holy shit Katie has a LJ? Yes yes she does

2006-02-06T20:25:55Z

*Points* Look!! I'm updating the thing I haven't updated in ... eons. Okay let's see what's happened since I updated last.

Went to NY, saw RENT, Movin' out, Kissy. Met Josh Kobak. Got pictures. Had a snow ball fight with my brother in central park. [That was fun. I missed that. I missed that alot.] Went to the improv, walked around a lot. Cried. ... wait I think i did write about that section. Okay skipping forward.

Lot's of drs visits cause no one flipping knows what's wrong with me. They know there's something wrong just not sure what. But with all the tests and everything they have to do, they're lucky to get a vain after the fourth time of stick me. That's with heel warmers, two turniquets and two people working on trying to get a vain. It's not fun. But this is going to be my last visit, because after this test if they don't know. I'm tired of going. My body can't take it, and I've beem living with whatever this is for god knows how long so I'll be fine.

I got a lead in The Admirable Crichton, by J.M. Berrie. I play Lady Catherine. (A little amusing. Or atleast I thought so.) We open Friday, Thrusday is previews. So I'm in hell ~~week~~ It's interesting. Fun. But as with anything it has it's highs and lows.

I saw Wicked ... Jan. 24th. Very good show. Talked to a couple of the cast members after the show. It was fun.

Wow okay my life isn't as interesting as I thought.

Yay writtings. This one's a bit more recent. A little lacking in talent still though.

2005-12-25T11:06:45Z

We Should Star Over Again

Rent, Roger Mark (slashy, angsty)
Word count: ???
Chapters: 6
(might still work on this, a bit unsure, reviews greatly welcomed)

Mark waited up in the loft wondering when Roger was coming home. "He said he'd be home after his gig tonight and it's already 3 AM., what the fuck?!" Mark's eyes stayed fixed on the clock on the wall as he heard stairs creaking from outside the door. The door opened as Roger entered. "Roger where the hell have you been? It's 3 AM! You said you were coming home right after…!" A tipsy Roger who was more then 3 sheets in the wind stumbled as he tried to push past Mark. "Oh fuck off Mark. I can come home when I want you aren't my mother." Roger slurred with an angry demeanor.

Roger slammed the door to his room, as Mark went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and Advil. "Why do I continue to do this?" Mark sighed and went to Roger's room, to give him the Advil. Timidly Mark knocked on the door. "Roger, here, I have something for you." not receiving an answer he gingerly pushed the door open. "…Rog?" A timid voice tried to speak up. Mark noticed a motionless Roger sprawled out on the bed still fully clothed. "Well he obviously didn't have the intention of going to sleep yet." Mark smirked to himself, gently pushing the hair out of Roger's eyes. Gently stirring, Roger's eyes fluttered open. A half smirk crept up on his face as he tried to speak. "What are you doing here?" Mark tried not to laugh as Roger barely made it through a sentence. "Just take this Rog." He told him, thrusting the water and Advil in his direction. "What is it?" Roger slurred through the question. "Don't fuss, just take it. It'll help, partly now, but more so tomorrow." Roger took the pills and finished the glass of water. "Here, I'm leaving 3 more by your bed for the morning; I'm going to refill your glass. I'll be right back." Roger had just finished undressing when Mark came back. "Here ya go man, sleep well." "Hey Mark ...?" Roger asked softly, as Mark was almost out the door. "What?" "Uhhmm...nothing. Never mind. Thanks for the water." "Not a problem.” Mark smiled and watched Roger collapse on his bed and pass out.

Mark lay in his room wondering why he cared for Roger as much as he did, when it started, and how long he's been convincing himself it's been purely friendship. Mark ended up falling sleep sometime during his thoughts waking up at 10 AM. Roger followed behind him waking at the crack of noon. "Afternoon sleepy, how do you feel?" Mark chimed in from the couch as Roger stepped out of his room in boxers rubbing his eyes. "I feel like shit." Roger answered honestly, filling a glass of water at the sink, to take medicine. Looking up from the couch Mark pushed his glasses up his nose. "Hey Rog just curious how much did you drink last night?" Refusing to meet Mark's gaze Roger sat at the table with his water rubbing his head. "I don't know. But it wasn't just drinking. Some of the guys had ecstasy and weed so we smoked out, had a few hits of E and possibly 5 pitchers between us."

"Christ Rog! No wonder you feel like hell. That's a lot of shit." Mark walked into his room and fumbled with his camera.

Roger waited a few hours, mainly for his headache to subside, and partly to give Mark the chance to calm down a bit. Seeing how pissed he was when he left. "Hey Mark?" Roger called out as he knocked on Mark's door. "What Rog?" "Can I come in?" Without a response Mark opened the door. "Yeah I suppose, come in."

Roger sat on the side of Mark's bed ruffling the sheet back and forth. "Look Mark, I know I do stupid stuff. And I know I promised to come home last night. It's just that I started thinking about a bunch of things, then the guys and I did our thing, and I wasn't thinking. And I ..." Roger continued to fiddle with Mark's sheets as he spoke. Roger looked up and meet Mark's eyes, slowly leaning forward Roger brought his lips against Mark's, taking him by surprise, slowly reaching his hand up to rest on Mark's cheek. Mark slowly recoiled, showing a mixed expression of horror and surprise. "ROGER!! Wha- what the hell?!"

Roger diverted Mark's gaze, "Mark I have something to tell you." Roger could feel Mark's eyes focusing in on him. "Mark I ..." Roger took a deep breath and laid down on Mark's bed. "Mark, I love you. I love the way you're always there, the fact I can talk to you about anything, and how you look out for me. It means something to me. .... It means a lot to me actually." Roger felt himself and his emotions sink, as he just made himself completely vulnerable to his best friend.

Mark just smiled at Roger as he rested his hand on Roger's chest. Lying beside him, running a hand through the guitarist dingy blonde hair, Mark smiled and returned the kiss. "I love you too."

Roger and Mark spent the next week spending the nights with each other. Mark was laying next to Roger in his room. Running a hand down his chest "Rog ..." a small voice spoke up, just above a whisper. "Hmmm?" Roger muttered turning on is side to face Mark. "What is it Marky?" Roger grinned, poking Mark's side. Mark laughed and pushed the man’s hands away. "STOP!" Mark squealed. "And why do you keep calling me Marky? ... Anyway you promised me you were going to tell me why you got so trashed last week.”

Roger rolled his eyes, and cuddled up next to Mark wrapping his arms around him. "Just forget about it Mark, it's no big deal." "Well it's obviously a big deal if you don't wanna talk about it." Roger let out a sigh and gave Mark a kiss. Mark smiled, gently pushing him away. "No ya don't! That's great and all, but you aren't getting out of it that easily." Roger smirked, lightly playing with the belt loop on Mark's pants. "Someone knows me a little too well." Mark nodded, and watched Roger contently waiting for his answer. Taking a deep breath he kissed Mark's forehead thinking of the best way to explain it. "Let's see ... why I got trashed? Well it's mainly because I had a lot of things on my mind. The stuff going on with the band, you, seeing if I need a real job until the gigs pick up, just trying to figure me out basically. Oh and knowing I didn't keep my promise of keeping in touch with my Mom. So I was thinking about stuff back home. I still worry about Aryana and my Mom, even if I'm not home. I hate to think how my Dad could possibly treat them when he's there. I suppose that's the 'big brother' thing." Roger smirked at Mark, and pushed the hair away from his glasses. "So some where in the mists of all my thoughts, I started drinking and everything to stop my thoughts.

Mark nodded in half confusion. "Ok ... so I followed everything, except for the part about me. ... Why were you thinking about me?" Roger nodded. "Should've seen that one coming, I was ... I like you Mark. I wanna be with you. I just got confused by it. Hell it's not all that common that you're out with your band and you realize you have feelings for your best friend." Mark tried to hide the blush that crept up on his cheeks, "Oh." Gently leaning over Mark shyly gave him a kiss then ruffled the musician's hair.

Roger squealed then attempted to fix his hair. "Cohen!! You're dead!! You know you shouldn't touch the hair!" Roger jumped on Mark and began tickling him. Giving Mark a small peck on the cheek, mumbling: "Punk", as he poked him one last time. Mark pushed his hands away and attempted to catch his breath. "I'm oh so sorry." Mark gasped "How could I forget that I shouldn't mess with Roger the: "Don't touch my hair!" rugged musician?!?" "Shut up, Cohen! At least I let people touch my hair, at times, unlike someone else and his precious camera!"

Mark grunted and rolled his eyes. "Oh please! I ..." Roger looked at him firmly. "Ok! So I don't let people touch my camera." Mark shyly admitted. "Until now!" Roger informed him flashing an evil smile. Picking up the camera he pointed it towards the slender filmmaker. "Smile Mark, zoom in to Mark, who's now on the other side of the camera." Mark smiled out of nervousness. "Rog! Come on. ... Do you have to do this?" He gave Roger a pleading look. Smiling Roger set the camera on the bed, forgetting to hit the 'pause’ button, so it wouldn't record anymore. "No ... I don't have to." Roger grinned, mischievously. "But you're so cute on film." Roger bit his lip, not really believing that he had just told his best friend he was cute. Mark blushed and fumbled with the blanket. "But Rog ..." Mark attempted to look as pitiful as possible, his eyes brightened as Roger set the camera down.

Roger leaned forward and gently grabbed Mark's hand. "Come here, you!" Roger pulled Mark closer to him for a deep sensual kiss, slowly removing Mark's shirt, when he thought the other man felt comfortable. Mark fumbled with Roger's shirt, until Roger lifted his arms; Mark eagerly took the shirt off. Running a hand along Roger's chest and kissing his neck, Mark looked into Roger's eyes. "I want to be with you too." He admitted as he gently slid his hand down Roger's chest. By passing his abdomen he laid a hand on his thigh, before beginning to tug at the man’s pants, still wordlessly asking for permission.

Mark unzipped Roger's pants, allowing his hand to slide in. Gasping in pleasure at Mark's touch, Roger allowed him to continue. A small moan escaped from Roger, as Mark began to become more confident in his skills. Roger moaned and panted as he reached his end. Pulling Mark closer to him, he kissed him deeply, and his vibrant green eyes were pleading. "Stay with me tonight." Roger said with a glimmer of happiness, as he pulled Mark on top of him. "Of course!" Mark smiled, inwardly celebrating. Then laid next to Roger, allowing himself to be completely embraced. "Good night, Marky." Roger whispered softly into his neck, leaving a trail of small, soft kisses. "G'night." Mark replied rubbing Roger's arms with a wide smile.

Half way through the night Mark was awoken by a storm. Lying in bed next to a still sleeping Roger, Mark listened to the rain pounding against the windows, and the crashing of the thunder. Mesmerized by the storm Mark slinked out of bed, careful not to disturb the other man. He gave Roger a gentle kiss, and went to sit by the window, to watch the storm.

Roger stirred and went to wrap his arms around Mark, but awoke when he realized he wasn't there. Roger rubbed his eyes and stumbled out of bed, with the blanket wrapped around him. Noticing Mark at the window, Roger sat behind him, wrapping his arms and the blanket around the skinny filmmaker. "Hey." Roger said in a groggy voice.

Mark leaned against Roger's chest "Hey you." Mark stated with a smile. Roger took a glance out the window as lightning flashed across the sky. "How long have you been sitting here?" Roger asked kissing Mark's hair. "Only about 20 minutes." Mark informed the other man as he cuddled into his chest some more. "Have I missed anything good?" "Just a few lightning bolts, but there'll be more." Roger pulled the young filmmaker into him for a kiss. "So do you wanna sit here watching... or ... do you wanna go hang out on the couch?" Roger asked with a playful smile. "Couch!" Mark spoke up with an evil expression.

Roger stood up, Mark still in his arms, with the blanket still wrapped around both of them. Mark laid on the couch, with Roger on top of him, gently nipping at his neck. Mark melted at the feel of Roger's mouth on his skin, his hands drifted down the musician's muscular back. Roger slowly began to leave a trail of small wet kisses down Mark's chest, then went to unbutton his pants. Mark inhaled deeply at the touch of Roger's lips. "Oh my God, Rog!" Mark said almost breathless. Roger looked up at Mark with a smile as he finished with his hand. "Do you like?" Mark bit his lip and nodded "Mmmhmmm" he groaned releasing into Roger's hand.

Roger smiled as he zipped Mark's pants back up, and pulled the blanket up. Laying beside him, and kissing him passionately. "I love you Mark." "Love you too." Mark smiled and ran his hand through Roger's hair and down his back, and snuggled until they fell asleep.

Maureen ended up returning to the loft as the rain calmed down. She got a drink from the kitchen and noticed Mark and Roger on the couch. She went over to get a closer look. Smiling at the sight of them together she didn’t want to wake them, but decided she would ask them another time, and went to bed.

For more then three months Roger and Mark seemed to be the perfect couple. Spending days together, doing nothing of importance. Sharing nights in each others rooms and falling asleep in one another’s arms. Talking about everything that came to mind but after the novelty wore off Mark sensed something was wrong. Roger was only intimate when they were alone, barely even acting like friends when his fellow band members were around.

Mark felt abandoned and unloved when Roger's friends were around. He felt like they were putting on an act whenever anyone was around. Mark woke up one morning alone in Roger's bed, and heard voices coming from the living room. He threw on a t-shirt that was lying on the floor, and went to see who was around. Stepping into the living room Mark was greeted by Sam, Dave, and Adam. "Morning Marky." Mark turned toward the kitchen, seeing a bubbly Maureen prance toward him with a bowl of cereal. "Hey Mo..." Mark replied in a groggy voice. "What's going on?" He asked hesitantly as he began making himself a cup of tea.

Kissing Mark on the cheek Maureen shoved another bite of Peanut Butter Cap N' Crunch into her mouth. "Roger's having a band rehearsal because they have a gig in two weeks." Sitting on the counter Mark watched Roger and his band discus set lists and strum a few notes on the guitar that was turned almost all the way down. "Wonder how come he didn't tell me." Mark stated more to himself as he slowly sipped the steaming hot tea.

"Pookie, he just found out this morning. I don't think he's keeping it a secret from you." Finishing her cereal Maureen placed her bowl in the sink as Mark jumped off the counter. "Don't call me 'Pookie'." Mark stated blandly as he retreated into his room.

Maureen cautiously pushed the filmmaker’s door open. "Marky, what's wrong?" Lying restless on his bed Mark looked up when he heard Maureen's voice. "Nothing! And don't call me Marky." Maureen sat beside his feet and sighed. "Mark, that's such a lie. This is me you're talking to, I know you. What's wrong?" Mark shook his head refusing to talk. "Is it Roger?" Mark's jaw dropped at the mention of Roger's name. "I don't ... I don't know what's going on anymore." Mark looked up in amazement "Wait, how did you know about Roger?"

Maureen stared at the floor twirling her hair between her fingers. "I umm …lucky guess?" She offered a quick smile and Mark shot back an evil look. "Ok I came home one night and I saw you guys sleeping on the couch. I didn't say anything; I meant to ask you about it. But I saw the looks that you gave him. So I came to my own conclusion." Curling his knees to his chest Mark sighed heavily. "Screw you and your fucking conclusions. Okay?" Maureen tried to rub Mark's leg but was almost kicked. "Am I at least right?" She demanded as she stood up, close to walking out of his room. A moment of silence passed and Mark looked up with a tear rolling down his cheek. He just nodded, unable to speak.

"Oh Marky..." Maureen melted as she saw the tears begin to well in Mark's eyes. Wrapping her arms around him she wiped away a few of the fallen tears. "Have you tried talking to him?" She offered continuing to wipe away any tears that threaten to fall. Sniffling a little Mark managed to gain control again and stop himself from crying. "What's the point? I can't talk to him when anyone's around. And then when we're alone it's as if nothing's wrong." With a sigh Mark moved to lean against the wall. Wiping his face once more to make sure there were no traces of tears.

Maureen watched Mark for a moment taking in his every emotion, kissing his forehead she sat on the floor looking up at him. "Maybe you could talk to him after the gig. He'll be in a good mood then, if it's after, the band normally goes in different directions either for girls, drinks, or what not. It could be a good opportunity. Mark nodded taking another deep breath, resting his head against the wall. "That's probably a good idea. Thanks Mo." Giving the filmmaker a hug she headed for the door. "I'll be at The Life tonight if you still need to talk." Mark nodded then locked his bedroom door when she left. Listening to the chord progressions and chatter from outside his room Mark was unable to stop the tears from falling. "Why can't things just go right for once?" He asked himself before curling into a ball and listening to the music from the other room, concentrating heavily on the ‘wanna be rock star's’ voice.

Mark had been paying closer attention to his and Roger's "relationship" for the two weeks leading up to Roger's gig. Every day was unpredictable. Roger would be so clingy telling Mark how glad he was to have him, then for 3 days after would completely ignore him. Mark was utterly confused, happy for the days when they were close, and hurt when Roger wouldn't even acknowledge him.

Finally the day of Roger's gig came and the filmmaker was getting antsy to get the chance and the nerve and ask what was actually happening with them. Paying close attention to the set list Mark was hurt when Roger didn't play the song he promised to play for him. The band started to pack up all there stuff after the last song was played.

Waiting till Roger got outside he grabbed him by the shoulder. "What the hell was that?" Roger stared at him, eyes half glazed from drinking between sets. "What was what?" Mark took a deep breath trying his hardest not to yell. "Oh I don't know. The fact you didn't play the song you promised, hitting on your little fucking groupies and then starting to leave without me." Roger shrugged placing his guitar in the back of one of the guy’s car, so all their stuff was together. "First off, I ran out of time to play the song. Second... okay maybe I was hitting on a few of the girls. But nothing came of it now did it?!?! And lastly, I wasn't "leaving" without you. ... I was putting my stuff away." Roger bit his lip looking away from Mark. The filmmaker could always tell when he was lying. And he didn't want Mark to read anything in his eyes.

Mark's hands were clenched so tightly into a fist his knuckles were white. "That's fucking bullshit Roger, and you know it!!" Taking a step back Mark tried to calm himself. Feeling tears start to sting his eyes, he just looked at the man in front of him. "What happened to you?" He asked trying not to show signs of weakening. "What happened to us?" Roger laughed as he slammed the door to the car. "There never was an 'us'." Roger said bitterly, taking sight of the band and a few girls from the corner of his eye. "I'm gonna get going, we'll talk later."

Mark watched Roger walk off into the middle of the night. Knowing they were going out to another bar he figured trying to have a decent conversation with a drunken musician was not going to work well. "I hope you have your key!!" Mark shouted after him. "Fucking asshole…" He mumbled to himself as he walked home, kicking small pebbles all the way back to the loft.

Locking the door to the loft Mark made himself a cup of tea then went to lay down. Staring at the ceiling he felt tears streaming down his cheeks. Unsure of what was going to happen now.

It had been a week since Roger’s gig, and Mark hadn’t said a word to the other man since. He was hurt and confused, not wanting to bring in any more unwanted feelings into the mix, he avoided confrontation, mainly by trying to be out filming as much as possible.

Unfortunately Mark had to return to the loft sometime and was bound to run into the musician.

A breezy October night Mark ran out of things he found interesting to film. Figuring Roger was at band practice he went home earlier then usual. It was only 10:30 but the building was quiet and still. Silently slipping his key into the lock he pushed the door open. Putting his scarf on the counter with his camera he left his coat on, until the bitter chill wore off.

Flipping on the light to his bedroom his attention turned to a figure that was sitting on his bed. “Took you long enough to get home. Where have you been for the last week?” Throwing his coat into the corner of his room he shrugged, trying to keep his focus off the other man. “Out…” He mumbled bitterly, just wanting to lay down. “Look Mark, I want to talk to you.” Sitting on the floor a good 5 feet away from the bed, Mark looked just past Roger. “Oh really? …About what?” Roger sighed tempted to ask Mark why he had to make this so difficult. “Damn it, you know exactly what I want to talk about.” Roger sighed pacing back and forth in front of the bed. Seeing Roger get flustered brought a smile to Mark’s lips. Clearing his throat Mark pushed himself up from off the floor. “Alright, I’m here, so talk. What do you want?”

Roger smiled as he caught sight of Mark, he could be so adorable when he tried to act tough. Making his way over to the other man, he slipped his arms around his waist. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I acted like a jerk. Forgive me?” He asked softly, bringing his lips to Mark’s neck.

Getting lost in Roger’s kisses he took a deep breath, trying to keep a firm ground. “ROGER! This isn’t fair. You can’t be an asshole to me one day, then turn around and kiss me the next, expecting everything to be fine.” Mark pushed himself out of the musicians hold, crossing his arms over his chest. “I can’t do this anymore Roger. We’re either together or we’re not, none of this changing relationship status every other day. I’m done.”

Roger stared dumbfound at the other man, he rubbed the back of his neck trying to process what Mark just said. ”Wait, so now you’re fucking saying you don’t want to be with me?” Roger laughed slightly, but it was more in agitation then finding humor in the situation. Mark stated completely still with his eyes focused on the floor. “Not when you’re being a fucking prick, no.” Roger bit his lip trying not to get upset. “What the hell is your problem, I’m trying to apologize and you’re acting like I’m the world’s worst asshole.” Mark laughed a bit amused by the conversation. “You? The person who’s intimate with me for over five months, then turns around and says we were never together is not worthy of the title of world’s worst asshole. There is no title that could possibly describe how I feel towards you at the moment. Roger nodded rubbing his forehead. “You know what, fine then, fuck you Mark. Fuck you! I wish I’d never gotten close to you. I wish I’d never confided my feelings in you.” And with that Roger turned and slammed the door to Mark’s room, then to the door of the loft.

Mark curled up on his bed, wincing when he heard the loft door slam. Tears filled his eyes, figuring Roger was going out to get trashed and laid, and didn’t need him anymore. Like he’d said, he wished he’d never gotten close to the young filmmaker.

There's still more to come because, well I have no life so I tend to write a lot. And getting feed back is always a nice thing. I'm also going to cross post these on my writing journal so if you have that on your friends journal you can ignor the double posts when I get around to doing so. If not and you'd actually like to be added, since I made it a friends only journal let me know and I'll add you. Tired and drugged (yay hospital) and rambling. Night errm morning all. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

lovewornlightly @ 2005-12-25T02:28:00

2005-12-25T08:02:40Z

Yet again another song fic (RENT Wicked cross. GOD these are so old!!) This one's a bit more depressing, and April doesn't die because of AIDS. Yes I know I messed with Jonathan Larson's story. But umm ... I claim poetic license?

April sat in a dark descended corner of the bar, as she watched Roger's band play. April found out through a friend that Roger was playing. Curious to find out why Roger didn't inform her himself she went to check it out.

Through the first set and half way through break everything seemed fine. April stood up, about to approach Roger, until she saw the reason why. Roger pulled up a seat with a girl April barely recognized. She had sun blonde hair that hung to her shoulders in waves.

April stormed out in frustration, then began walking the bitter cold Manhattan streets of late November. April replayed the scene in her head, every movement Roger made was the same he used when she meet him, the way he looked into her eyes in just such a way, as he reached for her hand, and smoothed his thumb over it.

"Hands touch, eyes meet.
Sudden Silence Sudden heat.
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl.
He could be that boy, But I'm
not that girl.

April sighed and shivered. She looked at her watch to see it was almost 12 am and, came to realize she had been wandering around aimlessly for almost 2 1/2 hours. A million thoughts ran through her head. She beat herself up mentally for thinking she and Roger would be in it for the long haul. ... Getting married, having children, eventually getting their own apartment together. How could she be so stupid? She should have known better. She was warned about him, and musicians. "How could I have dreamed about a future together with Roger? I've heard so many stories." April took a deep breath, as she exhaled she could see the air, almost reminding her of smoke vapors.

"Don't dream too far.
Don't lose sight of who you are.
Don't remember that rush of joy.
He could be that boy. I'm not
that girl.

April's watch started to beep to let her know it was turning 1am just as she was unlocking the door to her apartment. Before the door was open completely she could hear her phone. Not as eager to answer it, she let her machine pick up. Setting her purse down she heard the warm greeting. "Hey everyone, you've reached April. Sorry I couldn't answer your call. But if you leave a message with your info I'll get back to you!" The answering machine beeped, April sat on the table waiting to see who it was.

"Every so often we long to steal
to a land of what might have been.
But that doesn’t often the ache we feel
when reality sets back in."

Roger's voice rung through from the machine. "Hey baby it's me! Are you home, and awake?" April rolled her eyes when Roger said it was him. She answered his questions to herself. She wasn't in the mood to speak to him. "Yeah I'm home …and awake." April stayed focused on the machine, to see what he wanted. "Well if you're asleep I'll stop by tomorrow baby. But if you're not home, call me when you get in. I'm at Shane’s house. Give him a call. I love ya."

When April heard the last 3 words, all other noises were drown out. She didn’t hear the click of the phone when Roger hung up. The traffic blaring from streets below seemed to vanish. "I love you too." April said in an angelic tone. Her eyes immediately snapped open, then she jumped off the table to get to the phone. But it was too late. The only sound April got was a dial tone. Then for no reason her mind flashed back to the bar, where she saw Roger with the blonde girl.

"Blithe smile, live limb.
She is winsome, she wins him.
Gold hair with a gentle curl.
That's the girl he chose, and
heaven knows. I'm not that
girl."

April suddenly realized why the girl Roger was with looked familiar. She was one of his groupies. She goes to every one of his shows. "I wonder if that's how Amethyst knew about it?" April looked across her apartment. Her eyes stumbled upon the photo from when she and Roger had first started going out. It was hard to think of it being 3 years ago. April ran her fingers over the photo, with small tears and a look of nostalgia. "I need to talk to Mark or Amethst. Maybe they can help."

"Don't wish, don't start.
Wishing only wounds the heart.
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There’s a girl I know. He loves her so.
I'm not that girl."

April walked the 20 minutes to get to Mark and Roger’s loft apartment. Being a little worn out from her previous walk, it took a little longer. Plus the time it took to climb all the stairs. April took a deep breath taking everything into consideration. What kind of questions she wanted to ask, and the answers she would receive. She convinced herself she wanted to indeed know, and proceeded to knock on the door.

Mark answered the door, camera in hand, a pencil behind his ear, and a notebook in his freehand. Mark took a look at the girl with wind tossed hair, bright pink nose, and cheeks, which have aggressively been nipped by the bitter air. He took a moment to recognize April, but a joyful expression over took him. As he then welcomed her in. "Hey April! What's going on? ... Would you like some tea?" Taking in her current state he figured she could use some.

April nodded shyly, unsure how to approach her reasoning for coming by. April graciously accepted the tea, and then softly cleared her throat. "Uhh Mark? May I ask you a question?" Mark set his camera down beside him. He opened his mouth to speak just as the door opened.

April heard the gruff musicians heavy boots make their way through the door. April shook her head before Mark could respond, then hung her head sheepishly. "No. Never mind. It's not important"

Roger walked in to see April's still cold looking appearance. He sat down his guitar and walked over to her. Kissing her cheek Roger looked at her softly. "I've missed you." He stated sweetly. Taking hold of her hand, "APRIL … you're freezing! Here, come with me." Roger sounded shocked and concerned.

Roger took one of the extra blankets off from his bed, then wrapped it around both of them. He set down her tea, and slowly kissed her. All the while never letting go, or losing sight of April.

"Kiss me too fiercely hold me too tight.
I need help believing you're with me tonight.
My wildest dreamings could not foresee.
Laying beside you, with you wanting me."

Roger smiled at her. "I'm gonna get you something to make sure you don't get sick. Stay wrapped up. Here, have some more tea." Roger left, then came back a moment or two later with two Advil. "Here, take these, baby." Roger laid down next to April, with all four of his blankets over them.

"And just for this moment as long as you're mine.
I've lost all resistance and crossed some borderline.
And if it turns out, it's over too fast. I'll make every
last moment last. As long as you're mine."

Roger took off his shirt and jacket from under the blankets, along with his pants. April took off her jacket and sweater revealing a spaghetti strap shirt from underneath. Roger smiled at April as he pulled her closer. April snuggled into Roger's bare chest, as she let out a deep breath. Roger shivered from her cold skin touching his.

"Maybe I'm brainless, maybe I'm wise.
But you've got me seeing through different eyes.
Somehow I've fallen under your spell.
And somehow I'm feeling, something I fell."

Roger began to caress April's leg with his own. He kept his arms and himself wrapped around her to make sure she was warm. Plus having the blankets helped. Roger lived in the glory of this moment. He didn't know that just being with someone could make you feel such a way. At times even change you in such a way. It's a great feeling. An indescribable feeling took hold of Roger when he was with April, especially when they were alone. Those such feelings caused smiles to grow, a loss of words at times, and the inspiration to many of Roger's songs. She was his muse.

"Every moment, as long as you're mine.
I'll wake up my body. And make up for lost time."

April felt Roger brush hair out of her face, then run his fingers through her hair. And as much as she loved it, and the vibes it was giving off now. Her mind still strayed. Her thoughts were a drift with what she saw, and everything she based their relationship on before.

"Say there's no future for us as a pair"

April was able to shake the thoughts for a moment. She turned towards Roger and wrapped her arms around him as well. "I love you." She whispered with a smile.

"And no, I may know, I don't care.
Just for this moment. As long as you're mine.
Could be how you want to. And see how bright
we shine. Borrow the moonlight. Until it is through.
And know I'll be here holding you. As long as
you're mine.

What is it?

It's just .. for the first time... I feel ... wicked."

April glanced up at Roger for a while before actually speaking again. Her hands went cold and her body was trembling. But she finally worked the courage to ask. "Roger?" She asked meekly. "Who was that girl you were with at the bar?"

Roger stared blankly at the ceiling, as he continued to twirl April's hair around his finger. Roger took a deep breath and swallowed air. "How did you know I was at the bar tonight?" He asked flatly.

April's hand that was lying on Roger's chest began to draw small circles. "Amethyst told me. I wanted to know why you didn't tell me about it, so I went to check it out. In between sets I saw you with a blonde girl." April was impressed she kept herself calm as she spoke.

Roger was about to speak, but was afraid the truth would destroy her. So he refrained. But he still needed to say something. Roger sat up as April's green eyes were staring at him intensely. "April I ... I'm sorry."

April sighed and nodded. "That's what I thought." She climbed over Roger getting out of the bed she put her sweater and coat back on. She left Roger's room, to see Mark still sitting on the couch were he was when she went inside. April gave Mark a hug. "Bye Mark." Being enraged April set out back to her apartment.

"Don't wish. Don't start.
Wishing only wounds the heart.
There's a girl I know. He loves
her so. I'm not that girl."

At night the bitter January air cuts through you like a knife. April pulled her jacket tighter and shoved her hands in her pockets. April circled around blocks then headed towards the park. Sitting on a small bench knees tucked up to her chest with arms wrapped around them. "Only one question: how can one question haunt and hurt so much? How can it hurt so much to mention?" April sighed as she watched the stars above. "I can't believe that's love. That's what I've longed for since I was 10. Well if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost."

April made her way home in a very depressed fashion. She wasn't feeling at all like herself. When she got inside she took the phone off the hook, then ran a bath to warm up a bit. As the tub was filling April got towels and pajamas ready and set up in the bathroom.

April was nearing the end of her bath and still wasn't feeling up to par. She had the razor beside her from when she shaved her legs. She finished everything she had to, also testing to see if she really wanted to. She slit both wrists, got out of the bath, put on her pajamas, got her make-up out of the medicine cabinet and wrote "I loved you, Roger." She didn't notice the droplets of blood that lay back by the tub, which will forever rest there keeping the memory of this day alive. April climbed into bed and closed her eyes, fading softly, slowly soaking the sheets.

Roger waited till the next afternoon to see April. It was about 3 when Roger arrived at her apartment. He was rather astonished when April didn't answer. She was normally awake by now, he hadn't heard from her yet, and she hadn't stopped by. Roger let himself in, and took a look around. Roger searched the apartment going in order from room to room. He noticed the clothes and towels on the bathroom floor. But he didn't notice the note. Roger then checked April's bedroom, the last room of the apartment.

The gruff looking musician gingerly pushed the door open. He noticed April still laying down. Her lips had the appearance of a blue shade. Roger rushed over to her and touched her cheek, it was like ice. He noticed something on the blanket and pulled it away, to see both of April's wrists surrounded by a pool of blood.

Roger's face grew pale as he pulled the blankets back and went to call Mark.

Two weeks later April's memorial was set. Mark tried to get Roger to speak. But Roger gave every reason why not to.

(Roger)
"Unlimited. Just look at me.
Unlimited. And just look at you.
You can do all I couldn't do.
Mark, so now it's up to you.
For both of us. Now it's up to
you."

Mark sighed as he watched Roger leave the building. He couldn't understand how he could just abandon everything. Mark stepped up to speak. Closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, before addressing everyone.

(Mark)
"I've heard it said. That people come
into our lives for a reason. Bringing something
we must learn. And we are lead to those who
help us most to grow, if we let them. And we
help them in return. Well I don't know if I
believe that's true. But I know I'm who I am
today because I knew you. Like a commit
pulled from orbit as it passes the sun. Like
a stream that meets a builder half way through
the wood. Who can say if I've been changed
for the better. Because I knew you, I have
been changed for good."

Roger sat outside on the cold ground. He couldn't bring himself to stay inside, and listen to everyone. Roger gazed up at the stares fighting off tears.

(Roger)
"It well may be, that we may never
meet again. In this life time. So let me
say before we part: so much of me is
made of what I learned from you. You'll
be with me, like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end.
Though you have rewritten mine, by being
my friend. Like a ship blown from its
moorings, by a wind off the sea. Like a
sea drop by a sky bird in a distant wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for
the better. But because I knew you."

Mark took a deep breath, as he lightly closed his eyes.

(Mark)
"Because I knew you."

Roger began to silently cry to himself.
Mark opened his eyes and refused to cry in front of people.

(Mark and Roger)
"I have been changed for the better."

Roger could feel his salty tears sting his cheeks, from the chill that surrounded him.

(Roger)
"And just to clear the air.
I ask forgiveness, for the things
I've done, you blame me for."

Mark stepped down and walked out the door as he felt his eyes begin to water. He noticed Roger sitting on the ground. He over heard what Roger had said also taking notice of the red lines streaming down his face. Mark decided to stay by the door.

(Mark)
"But then I guess we know
there's blame to share."

Mark sat quietly about 5 feet away from Roger. Unnoticed, staring at the stars, they continued their thoughts, mumbling just above a whisper.

(Mark and Roger)
"And none of it seems
to matter anymore."

Mark sighed, as Roger closed his eyes to shut out the world.

*Their thoughts over lap*
(Mark)
"Like a commit pulled from orbit
as it passes a sun. Like a stream
that meets a builder halfway
through the wood."

(Roger)
"Like a ship blown from it's
mooring by a wind off the sea.
Like a sea drop by a bird in
the wood"

Mark stood up to go back inside, and leave Roger alone once again.

(Mark and Roger)
"Who can say if I've been
changed for the better. I do
believe I have been changed
for the better."

Roger's heart ached as his memories raced. Mark watched in anguish, wondering what to do.

(Mark)
"And Because I knew you."

Mark went inside, as Roger soon followed. When the service was over, Roger approached Mark quietly. "Mark ... will you stop by a few places with me?" Roger's voice was barely audible, from crying outside for so long. Mark nodded as they left.

Roger and Mark stopped by the store then visited April's plot. Roger traced his fingers over the name: 'April Garner.'

(Roger)
"Because I knew you."

Mark took a step back as he watched skeptically wondering what Roger had running through his head. Roger brushed the new fallen snow off the freshly filled grave. He placed the single red rose near the head stone where some snow still lay.

(Mark and Roger)
"Because I knew you.
I have been change for good."

FANFICTION Cause Tammy inspired me

2005-12-25T07:08:45Z

I was only just going to post one, but these two go hand in hand. Yes they are song fics. It's from Drift which almost no one has heard of, but ummm comments are always nice.

Michael stood outside the door of his ex-wife's house, waiting for his daughter Anastasia to emerge from within. "Hi Daddy!" A five year old Anastasia said smiling as she ran out the door.

Michael picked up Anastasia, then looked up to see Desire waving good-bye to Anastasia. Michael smiled and waved back. "Wave good-bye to Mommy, baby." He said softly. "So ... would you like to go have breakfast Ana?" The girl nodded as she jumped down and held tightly on to her Daddy's hand, as they walked together.

"Pick her up on a Tuesday
how about a kiss for you Daddy
and a big, squeeze hug?
We'll take the pancakes and eggs
I'll take some coffee in my mug."

Michael spent most of breakfast listening to Anastasia talk about her summer and everything she did. He then looked at his watch to see the time, and remembered she had a play date. "Let's go see your friends. Then we'll get ice-cream."

"Set her up on a play date
couple of her classmates are
meeting up at Riverside Park
Try to squeeze in the ice cream
Always seems my times on the
meter. When I met her on a
Tuesday and Thursday.

How the time slips away..."

Once again at the house of his ex-wife, Michael tried bargaining with her to spend more time with his daughter. "Desire please. All I'm asking for is a weekend every now and then." Desire sighed and sat down at the table with a cup of coffee. "Michael we set up the Tuesday and Thursday schedule, so we don't have to keep changing where 'Stasia sleeps, every other week." Michael sighed, "Please Des. Just a few weekends." Michael pleaded as Desire put her coffee mug in the sink. "Let me think about it."

Desire walked to the stairs and called up. "Anastasia ... come on, Daddy's here." Anastasia carefully ran down the stairs and gave Michael a hug. "Hi Daddy!" "Hi Princess." He greeted her with a warm smile and a hug, then ran his fingers through her soft brown hair. "Ready to go to the museum Princess?" "Yup!" The small girl replied eagerly with a jump. Giving her mother a hug she ran to the door. "Bye Mommy." Desire laughed at her excitement. "Bye Des."

"Pick her up on a Thursday
Think it's gonna rain
So we head to the museum up west
Cross the street to the bookstore
I make it to book four
'I'm sorry baby, but Daddy needs a rest.'"

Anastasia handed her father the fourth book she found from the shelf then climbed into his lap. "Read this one next Daddy." The little girl's voice chimed in. "Oh, Daddy needs a rest. I'm sorry baby." Anastasia looked disappointed but gave him a hug anyway. "Come on Ana. We gotta get going, baby doll." Anastasia began walking out of the bookstore then ran back when she realized Michael was putting away the story books. "Daddy come on." Michael smiled and took her hand. "Okay Princess." Half way to the subway Anastasia looked up to her Daddy wide-eyed. "Daddy .. can I have a ride on your shoulders, please?" She asked as she rubbed her eyes.

"As we walk to the subway
'Can I have a ride on your shoulders
Daddy, I'm so tired?'
Falls asleep on me each time
We get on the 1/9
If everything is fine."

Michael cradled the young girl who was now asleep, in his arms. Michael watched lovingly, and smiled gratefully down at his daughter. A silent tear slid down his cheek.

"Can you tell me why
Do I cry
Every time we say good-bye?
Through I try, I still fall behind
I'm flying blind
Will you remind me..."

Michael gently knocked on Desire's door so he wouldn't wake up Anastasia Desire answered the door in her pajamas. She allowed Michael to put her to bed. Michael was able to put Anastasia in pajamas without waking her. He then tucked her in and gave her a kiss goodnight. "Night night baby. I love you." He walked down stairs and waved goodnight to Des. "I'll see you next week. Please keep it in mind Des." Des nodded and showed him out.

"Tell me how
Do you fit all of your love
on a Tuesday and Thursday?
Tell me how...."

Michael arrived about 3 to pick up Anastasia after school, a half an hour early to spend more time with his daughter.

"Pick her up on a Tuesday
Now she's back in school
So I see her in the afternoon
I arrive kind of early
Watch her sit and draw pretty pictures
Of the sun and the moon"

"Come on baby, lets go get dinner and we'll get you home." Michael sighed at the short amount of time he had with his daughter, and gingerly took hold of the girls hand.

"Suddenly, I understand that she's
Used to it. Guess it's time for her
Daddy to get through it.
As life changes for one
Life changes for all."

Michael and Anastasia walked up to Desire's house. "Ok Ana baby. You're home." Anastasia smiled up at her father who gave her a wink and a hug as he knocked on the door.. Desire smiled and let them in. "Why don't you go get ready for bed 'Stasia. I'll be up in a bit to tuck you in." Anastasia nodded and gave her dad one last hug before going upstairs.

"Tell me why do I cry
Every time we say goodbye?
Through I try I still fall behind
I'm flying blind
Will you remind me..."

"Michael ... would you like a cup of coffee before you leave again?" Desire asked gently. "Ummm yes, please." He answered meekly. "Ok, Michael I was thinking about it. And I've decided that, this weekend, and a few others, you may have Anastasia."

Michael's face brightened and he jumped up to give her a hug. "Thanks Des. Thank you so much." Desire tried not to laugh in spite of Michael, but he could be adorable at times. "So I'll see you Friday?" She asked smiling. Michael nodded quickly, and finished his coffee. "Yup Friday, it is."

"Tell me how ...
Do you fit all of your love
On a Tuesday and Thursday?
Tell me how ..."

Michael tucked Anastasia in and kissed her goodnight. "Do I have to?" Her father nodded as he turned on the nightlight. "Yes baby, you do. Now, ... you already had a bath, watched T.V., a glass of water, and you went potty. Really Anastasia it's time for sleep."

Michael walked to the door and turned off the light, about to walk out of the room, until the small voice spoke up again. "Daddy ... will you tell me a story?" Michael smiled then sat down on the side of the young girls bed. "Alright one story but then it's bedtime, my love." The 5 year old giggled and snuggled under the covers, making room for Michael to sit. "Okay Daddy."

"Let me tell you a story
Long time ago, far far away.
Young man met a young girl
Feel in love with her then and
Maybe I still am today.

But that was then, And this is now."

"Was the girl Mommy?" Anastasia asked curiously." "Uh-huh. That's right. And I was the boy." Michael informed her.

"They were brave and determined
Set to prove to the world true love endures
Never cared for the sermons
How could anyone close enough to know us
Even question if we're sure?

Love heals the wound, but it's not always the cure."

The little girl looked confused as she rubbed her eyes with a yawn. "If you and mommy loved each other, how come you don't now?" Her percousious mind pondered. Michael pushed some hair away from her eyes as he kissed Ana's forehead. "Well kiddo, there's a lot of times people don't love each other the way they did when they met. So instead of fighting they agree, or decided no to be with each other so the don't fight, and make each other unhappy. It kind of means they don't love one another anymore." Anastasia rubber her eyes again. "Will you and Mommy ever not love me?" Michael's eyes got wide as he hugged her tightly. "Never sweetheart. We'll always be there and love you." "But why don't you love each other?" The young girl inquired.

"Slowly things went sour
And then quickly ran down hill
Then faced the darkest hour
But refused to pay the bill
There will always be somebody
to blame. But one thing still
remains the same."

"So Mommy loves me?" Ana asked. "Yes." Said Michael holding her close. "And you love me?" She asked looking up at him. "As much as ever. ... "This doesn’t make sense huh baby?" Anastasia shook her head 'no'. "It will soon Baby Ana. It will." He said with a sigh. "But why aren't you together?" She asked half asleep. Michael took a deep breath and wrapped his fingers in the girls hair, who was fighting sleep. "Because we made plans that didn't work."

</b>"Your Mother she loves you
And your Father he loves you
But sometimes things don't go
The way you planned.
Your Mother she needs you
And your Father he needs you
Though it may take a little while
To understand.
Emotions run high in the blink of an
eye. 'Still together' becomes 'torn
apart.'
But your Mother she loves you
And your Father he loves you too
And that is the state of the heart"</b>

Michael laid the girl back in bed after holding her, and put the blankets around her. Michael laid down next to her.

"Do you even remember all the
Time we spent together Mom and
Dad and you - the family? There
Were days of fun and crazy. There
Were nights of just plain lazy. It was
Amazing when we willed it to be.
We really tired, but there's only so
Much pain a smile can hide"

Anastasia Fell asleep as Michael told her the story. Michael kissed her good night, then went to turn off the light, as he stood by the door way.

"So there's a promise that we're making
An oath we both must share
Ain't no weltching ain't no breaking
When you need us well be there
And there will always be somebody to blame
But one thing still remains the same...."

"Good night baby." Michael smiled and blew her a kiss.

"But your Mother she loves you
And your Father he loves you too
And that is the state of the heart."</lj-cut?

lovewornlightly @ 2005-12-25T01:14:00

2005-12-25T06:17:53Z

"Katie here's 20 dollers go get a hotel for the night and fuck someone there"

What I can't get a hotel for 20 bucks in the city. I could go to a parking garage. *Walks up to parking attendent* Here's 20 bucks I just want this space. No car, just this space. ...You can watch, I don't care

~~~Convo with Molly on what would happen if we lived together and one needed to study and the other wanted to fuck.

If you love me you'll do this

2005-12-19T22:21:13Z

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

Last chance

2005-12-13T02:58:47Z

Okay I know I have a few peoples address' from my other post. But I just picked up christmas cards (a little late, yes I know. I'm a horrible horrible person) But I really need to get them out by probably Wed the latest. So if you want to give me your address again, to make sure I have it, because you didn't give it to me, or whatever reason, this is your last chance.

Wow

2005-12-12T05:14:21Z

Okay so I realized I never updated about NY.

Most of it was amazing. (Take out a certain person and it would have been a whole lot better) I cried so much. I still cry off and on. I'm determained no matter what it takes I'm moving there after I'm twenty-one. ON the conditions .. I have money in the bank. I have more work experiance. And if I don't have a roommate I will have enough money to live by myself. OH and go up with an AA degree this way when I start college again I'll start as a junior after I establish a year or so of residency. But I will. I'll make it work. And that's what I need to keep in mind.

The first day ..OMG flying. Was a little freaked out. Tried not to be, but I was. I got over it a little. Tired to read, but I had xanax in my system so by the time it kicked in and by lack of sleep I passed out. But I did watch Hi-5 on the plane. So that was nice.

We checked into the hotel, then walked around the city, went to Central Park, my brother and I had a snow ball fight in Central Park (very cool) took the subway into the village. But didn't see much cause my dad was an ass. So we got to Canal st and walked ALL the way back up to 77th and Broadway. (With stops along the way. Book store, a few clothes stores. etc)

Tuesday .. walked around for a bit, went to Grey's Papaya. OMG best fucking hotdogs. EVER. Then my mom and I went to see Movin' Out. .. I cried, again. Went to stage door it. Met Kaarine, Michael, umm and I wanna say a few others but that's who I remember.

Wed went to see RENT. JOSH AND MATT. *Breaths* It was some highschool bs thing. God I hate highschool kids they are so immature. I wanted to beat the crap out of half of them. The show was great. I cried ... again. (Are we sensing a patteren?) Then went to stage door it. Had to wait for the mass of teenagers to get out. Matt and Josh were leaving at the same time. I stopped Josh first because he always seems to get away from everyone I've spoken to. but this time it was Matt who snuck away. Because I said hi to Josh and Matt VANISHED!! A litle disapointing but I'll live. But Josh saw I had his CD and said I was extra cool. Then after he was finished getting mobbed by the teens I was able to talk to him for a bit. I felt so bad because he was on his way to yoga but he still talked to me. He said he had a gig on the 20th, he was working on his music, trying to get together a new album(?) and hopefully putting Subway Train together for next year. But he invested so much money into it that he needed to put it aside for a bit. But he's been revising it and stuff. Then we were talking about Rise Up and he got all excited and slipped into Josh story-telling mode. Which was cute. Then he left and went to yoga. (But left with his girlfriend.)
I got to see Angel. Cant think of his name and didn't look in my playbill .. too tired to look in my playbill. get back to you on that.

Thurs went to see the John lennon memorial. Very nice got some pictures. Video taped some stuff. There was a TV crew there, so I was a dork and umm started talking to them. Got some "insider" info. Told me he got into the biz because he was in the right place at the right time. Talked to me about the equitment. Some guy came up and was talking and saying that area was for their crew only so the photographer had to leave. And they were like "no he's cool we said he could be here. And this is our intern." And points to me. So that was cool.

Then we had to go to the airport. And I cried. Then we got on the plane. And I cried. Then we got home, and I cried. DAMN EMOTIONS

"This should teach you to not have kids" - Mark

2005-12-03T01:25:59Z

So I'm gonna attempt to actually send out Christmas cards this year. If you want one leave a comment with full address and that fun stuff

Stupid makes my head hurt

2005-12-01T20:24:36Z

I love Roger I really do. But I'm starting to get concerned that every time I take one of these tests I always get him for an answer. Am I really that moody and scared of commitment? If so, then damn I know what I need to work on.

You scored as Roger. You're Roger! You're moody, you repress your emotions, and love or commitment or both probably scare you to death. But you're devoted to your best friend and your music or whatever you do, and you do care- you just have a funny way of showing it sometimes. Just stop being so moody and everyone will love you a little more!

</td>

Roger

94%

Mark

81%

Mimi

81%

Collins

81%

Joanne

56%

Angel

50%

Maureen

38%

Benny

31%

What RENT Character Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

lovewornlightly @ 2005-11-08T13:21:00

2005-11-08T18:38:26Z

Last night was awesome. I got to see people I haven't seen in years. (And I was told I looked beautiful so that made me smile.) Then I had people staring at my butt and trying to look down my shirt. But I'm not going into that.

Anyway talked to people haven't spoken to in years. Got e-mail and phone numbers so I can keep in touch because wow I missed them. Although it was a little odd to get. "You know you were a cute little girl but wow, you turned into a very attractive young woman." The compliment was nice, but umm the fact that he didn't let go and it felt like his hand was getting lower when he was hugging me was what was kinda strange.
Umm got to talk to one of the directors who is pretty awesome hw was telling me what shows he's doing and stuff. I think that's about it for tha part.

I went to bring food to my mommy at work last night and say Happy Birthday to Eric. So I was talking to him for a little bit. He had me check his coffee to see if it was too hot, and it was so I got to burn my tounge not him. But he asked me how it was. So without thinking I'm like: "I wouldn't drink it ... that is if you'd like to be able to feel with your tounge for the rest of the *pause. Face turns BRIGHT red* DAMNIT I just said that" But he found it greatly amusing. But I did call him just after midnight to wish him an offical happy birthday.

I feel sick now, I didn't go to class. (damn medicine) .. blah hopefully I only work four hours today.

lovewornlightly @ 2005-10-31T01:03:00

2005-10-31T06:16:22Z

Haha my mommy and I went for a walk today.
I don't remember how the subject came up, but she told me for my 21st birthday she was taking me out, getting me, drunk and getting me laid.
I found that amusing.

We were also discussing about what's going to happen when I move out, she told me it's great that I can do things for my self, but I wouldn't be able to make "friends" in the building if I didn't need help with some stuff. Then she turns around and makes up this whole little scene about trying to hook up the dvd player or something and trying to get some neighbor guy to do and me picking up everything wrong he's doing and pushing him aside to fix it. My mom goes. "You can't get laid like that." I was kinda shocked and was like "Eh so I'll make sure it's a pipe that gets busted so I have to call a repair man .. or hope I have a cute super or fix-it guy down stairs to help. Then it'll be good."

Needless to say when I got home, my head hurt from that conversation. But I was very amused, and can safely say I'm looking forward to my 21st birthday and the day I move out more and more. ~~All because of the possibilities.~~ Is that sad?

lovewornlightly @ 2005-10-30T18:56:00

2005-10-31T00:04:53Z

Happy belated Birthday Heather. (Cause I suck at life and forgot to get on to update and leave you a cool little message.)

My bunny died. And by died I mean about 10 minutes ago. So we just burried him. It's kinda sad. I just finished cleaning his little area. Tomorrow I'm going to clean it clean it. (Go through vaccum the carpet and wash the tile. Minor details.) But other then that. Everything is gone. Threw out the cage and everything.

Okay no more sad.

Job sucks, I just spent 240$ on Movin' Out tickets for December. (And my friend questioned me as to why I got Movin' Out not The Wedding Singer. I explained that Wedding Singer opens around April and tickets aren't on sale yet, so why would I buy them...) I was a little annoyed that my motives were questioned. It's my vacation and my money. Back off.

but that's still sad in a way so I'm shutting up and seeing if I can find a cookie or icecream or mashed potatoes or something. .... I'm off to read.

only cause Kristen tagged me

2005-10-15T04:16:12Z

[x]three names you go by[x]

1. Katherine/Katie/Kate
2. Grace
3. YOU

[x]three parts of your heritage[x]

1. Irish
2. Italian
3. Potaguise

[x]three things that scare you[x]

1. Getting lost at night
2. Walking over the drains when I can hear water underneath
3. Being taken away

[x]three of your everyday essentials[x]

1. My Cell Phone
2. My computer/laptop/internet access
3. "My" music

[x]three things you are wearing right now[x]

1. My Pink Floyd PJ pants
2. My Cosmoplatin socks
3. My moms old "Out in the streets" Road Rally tee

[x]three favorite musical artists[x]

(For Theatre)
1. Adam Pascal
2. Matt Caplan
3. Joshua Kobak
(Outside theatre)
1. Josh Groban
2. Billy Joel
3. Michael Buble

[x]three favorite songs[x]

1. "Home" - Michael Buble
2. "Wonder Child"- Adam Pascal
3. "Because of You" Kelly Clarkson

[x]three things you want in a relationship[x]

1. Common interests
2. Trust
3. Communication/knows when to make me smile, and when to stand off

[x]two truths and a lie[x]

1. I'm a "Bar whore"
2. I saw a dead body
3. I'm gonna be a mommy in about 7 1/2 months

[x]three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you[x]

1. The Smile
2. His eyes
3. Public/privet/overal mannerisims

[x]three of your favorite hobbies[x]

1. Reading/writing
2. Acting/Dacing/singing/Theatre
3. Film (Still and video)

[x]three things you want to do really badly right now[x]

1. Move to New York
2. Stop the anxiety attacks
3. Make something of myself

[x]three places you want to go on vacation[x]

1. New York
2. New Jersey
3. The Keys... (cause that trip keeps getting canceled)

[x]three things you want to do before you die[x]

1. Move to New York.
2. Make it on Broadway/touring company
3. Have a family

[x]three ways that you are stereotypically a chick/dude[x]

1. I worry about my weight/figure
2. I get periods from hell
3. I like things to be neat

[x]three people i would like to see take this quiz[x]

I suck at actually doing the name tag things so bare with me.

glitter_my_glam
amanda127
xoboshoexo

I was thinking today. Shocker I know

2005-10-12T21:57:24Z

When I was walking home I had random thoughts going through my head. and one was

"The only connection I have with that man is genetics" I'm sure about half the people (hopefully) on my flist will understand. If not just ask.

But I have noticed no matter how much I try this time of year always makes me bitter and the like. I'm working on it, I truely am. But I don't know what else I could possibly do about it.

lovewornlightly @ 2005-10-11T00:53:00

2005-10-11T04:56:24Z

God ... there's so much on my mind that I had about three mental break downs today. Towards the end I felt like crying,... but couldn't. And still can't.

I want to though. I just can't.

My head hurts .... my heart hurts. I hate thoughts. I hate not being able to sort things out. I just wanna crawl in a corner and hide from the world. I can't handle things right now. I'm physically, emitionally, and mentally drained.

I'm rambling now ... and want a small trace of happiness or something I can look at/look forward to that will get me through these next few months.

Dedicated to ... a few people

2005-10-06T21:07:12Z

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far
Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me
But everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out
I can not cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me
But everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better then to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain

And I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the dafe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you

I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Becayse of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I'm afraid
Because of you

lovewornlightly @ 2005-10-05T00:09:00

2005-10-05T04:18:19Z

Rehearsals seem to be dragging on. .. I forgot how much I hate blocking rehearsals.

I started working on my brothers birthday present. Atleast one of them. I bought the other already. (That he doesnt know about it) So I'm sewing patching on to his jacket. and his pants.
He was telling me ealier that he really wanted to get the ghostbuster patch to put on his jacket. So I went on ebay and found a set of two. Because I wanted to put some kind of patches on my denim jacket. So I thought getting two would be awesome. Either way I PMed the seller to see how soon I could get it. Because I still need time to put get it on his jacket. So if there's gonna be enough time I'm getting it.

lovewornlightly @ 2005-10-02T23:05:00

2005-10-03T03:11:05Z

so tired....

Today dragged on FOREVER!!!

I had a kickass audition!!1 I would go in detail .. but i'm tired

lovewornlightly @ 2005-09-26T23:55:00

2005-09-27T04:14:21Z

So much to update on. Yet so tired to do so.

But a brief over view (and hey maybe there'll be a time I can actually get more indeepth ;])

I went to Show Palace friday night. It was fun. An awesome show!! Not what I expected at all. So that made it even better. Everyone there kept coming up and talking to me, since I've known them for ... oh god 4 yrs I believe. Which was nice. the people who we were sitting with were like "omg we're sitting next to a celeberity" Which made me feel good inside.
I wont admit that to anyone. But it did kinda make me feel special. Because it wasn't "attention" it was just the commen "hey how are you? what are you up to? are you coming back. YOU HAVE TO COME AUDITION" But I got it from almost all of the waiters, and half the cast. Atleast the ones I saw.

So I have an audition on the second for [Show Palace] dinner theatre. They're doing the christmas show. But I don't know if I can do it.But right after that comes 'Cabaret' and hell yeah I want in that show SO BAD, you have no idea.(My perfered part, LuLu. If I get in, part I'll probably get: Helga. But that's fine. I'd still be in.)

I start rehearsals for My Fair Lady on wed. So that'll be fun.

I have so much make up work to do for school, since I was sick. So I'm gonna be staying late tomorrow, wed, and thurs. To hopefully catch up and get ahead. even if only by a lesson or so. We'll see how it goes. Plus I have Monday Tuesday Wedensay to go to school while the Jrs are taking whatever tests. So even if I'm caught up I'm stil gonna go. Just in case anything happens or what not. Incase they decide to make my therapy appointments during class time, I wont have to worry too much. And when I can I'll just stay late. I think it would work well. .... We'll see.

Umm okay lets see .. Wed rehearsal ... Sunday auditions (so not confident in at all. but I'll manage) Dance thrusday. .. Tues, wed, thurs I'm staying after to make up work. I have to do prep all weekend. which means I need to be there by 6 .. AM. Not pleasent.

I'm actually frightened of the next month. Because if things work out right. I have
Monday class 8 - 2:15 Work: 3-6 dance: 6:30-7:15 rehearsal; 7:30(ish) - 10
Tus: Class: 8 - 2:15 work - 3-7 rehearsal 7-10 (when rehearsal is over, dance is from 7:15- 8:45)
Wed: Class ... see above Work 3- when ever
Thurs: Class (same) work - off Dance: 5:45 - 8ish
Friday: Class 8-10:30 ... work 11-6-ish (possibly squeeze in make up dance classes)
sat: Worl 6a-2p (hopefully out at that time) then clean and get homework and everyhting done
Sun: work:6a-2p? ... finish cleaning and hw

and then the cycle repeats. So it's gonna be a looong month. But it'll pay off.

I need to get make-shift headshots. There's a studio by my house/school .. that's looking for models and stuff. So I think I might make a deal. If the guy wants me to model, instead of paying me, do it in exchange for headshots. ... Or not, I might be able to use the money more, and just do make shift head shots. We'll see.

But I'm tired and rambling and have therapy tomorrow so I'll be phyiscally and emotionaly drained. ... Wish me luck